FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
January 3, 2007

What To Do If Your Child Is The Bully

Bullies – at school they are often as common as pop quizzes. Parents can teach their children how to handle bullies, but what happens when a parent is told that their child is the bully?

"For one thing, thanks to a new state anti-bullying law that went into effect this month, that child will have their behavior listed on their discipline records," said Barbara Austin, Triple P – Positive Parenting Program Training Coordinator for Dorchester County. "But, parents who have been told their child is a bully do have options to correct that behavior."

Bullying can take a number of forms, from more mild forms of repeated teasing and regular name calling to physical threats or physical aggression. Girls may also use talking about others and leaving other children out as forms of bullying.

Dr. Matthew Sanders, creator of the Triple P – Positive Parenting Program offers some guidance to parents.

Parents should sit down and talk with their child about what they've been told. There are many reasons why a child might bully other children. They may be being bullied or teased themselves. Sometimes children who have lower self-esteem will pick on other children to feel better, stronger or smarter than the other child. Children may also bully if they have limited skills in regulating their emotions or expressing themselves. They may also bully because they see other children doing it. Once parents discover why their child may be bullying, it will be easier to decide what to do about it.

Parents need to be clear about their expectations. Parents need to make it clear that bullying behavior is not acceptable and decide on consequences for the behavior such as taking away privileges or personally apologizing to the victim.

Teach empathy. Parents should talk to their child about how it feels to be bullied. Ask them how they think the other children may be feeling. How would they feel if they were being bullied?
Teach appropriate interactions. Engage and supervise children in cooperative games to help teach them appropriate social and communication skills. Parents can also teach their child how to solve problems with their peers. This can help them to come up with more appropriate ways to handle and resolve conflict. Parents can also practice these skills through role playing different situations with their child.

Model appropriate interactions. Parents should model appropriate conflict resolution for their child and demonstrate pro-social behaviors in their home. Children can also be influenced by modeling that they are exposed to through the media. Parents may want to talk with their child about negative as well as positive behaviors that they see on the television, movies or in computer games.

Praise children when they are behaving appropriately. When parents see their child communicating and playing nicely with other children they should specifically praise their child. Tell them something like, “Max, you did a great job asking the other kids to stop playing roughly with your toys.”

Find out about anti-bullying programs at school. Parents may also want to ask about any anti-bullying programs at their child’s school. How do they handle these situations when they happen at school? The new law, the Safe School Climate Act, requires schools to develop such programs to track incidents of intimidation at school and take appropriate action. Parents may want to set up daily communication with their child’s teacher. That way bullying behavior can be dealt with immediately and the child can be praised if they are behaving well.

"It's not always easy as a parent to recognize or acknowledge that your child may be hurting or bullying others," Austin said. "However, if a child continues to hurt others or engages in more serious aggressive behavior it's time for parents to contact a local professional for more help."

The Triple P – Positive Parenting Program helps build positive behaviors in children, confidence in parents' abilities, and community support for raising children. Triple P is available in Dorchester County. For more information about Triple P and to find local providers, visit their Web site at http://www.tpinfo.sc.edu or call 1-877-KIDZWIN.

-30-

Contact:

Candace Chellew
Communications Coordinator
Building Connections
803 978 7407
chellew@gwm.sc.edu